Content

sometimes needs

holding back and revision

Some times I'm not in the mood to do editing. I can produce a lot of content but it all needs precious other minutes to correct it by augmenting it and explaining the flow. Often that means not even bothering with that content at all. I just leave it over in the word processing file and let it go. If I have time I'll go there and edit it to provide something that isn't embarrassing. I must say if you page back a few years in any one of these columns it won't take you very long to find stuff that needs a lot of editing. So, these days, I'm more inclined to hold back the rants until I make them much kinder than they are when I let loose with them. I let loose with the rants, they are a product of my waking-dream trance concentrating on the urge-of-the-day thoughts that get evoked by the urge factories of this wide world. We have these constant sources of input that give us some insight into future possibilities. Many of us get worked up by these things.

Roy Masters says that when anyone can make you angry they then have control over you. Now, he probably didn't think of that himself but he is the one that will gladly tell that to you, out loud, on the radio, in a public way, and for the rest of the world to hear him. I think of him up there in Grants Pass doing all of his spiritual healing that he does. He has helped a lot of people by simply pointing them inward. Well, he does a lot more than that. How can I explain what he does without sounding like a gushing fool? It isn't him that makes me gush, or anyone else for that matter. It would be the sign posts that he puts up that might have a hope of pointing at that which is worth that we should gush. He is a counselor who helps people. Me, I am a website designer, graphic artist, software engineer who wants to also point the world in the same direction.

call it then a page of arrows. They all point to the mountaintop if the mountaintop means finding your inner life and going inward. If the mountaintop is a metaphor for having a real experience with that which Is Holy, then, that is where one must go.

Allegories, metaphors, whatever. The real fact of a person with problems is a truth that we all have experience. Yourself in trouble in some way. Maybe we see everyone else not noticing how distressed and troubled we have become. We feel great regret and sorrow for things that we won't discuss with anyone. And the constant barrage of ping-ping-ping from the world. "Here we are. We are knocking on your door. We are the world. Now you must be part of us. We have come to consume you, take your essence and distill it for our use, you will do what we say you do and when you do we will punish you for it."

The raving imagined voice keeps chattering through the discontented and troubled spirit. He (or she) goes on with all of a constant kind of neigh-saying that doesn't help anyone, doesn't solve anything, and brings us closer to nothing. And yet we go on with it. We try to push the water through the hose. We dam the river and then curse the flooding surge for overtaking our dam. What did we expect to have happen when faced with the realities of the inevitibilities of this life? Search and delete.

Yes, search your soul and delete the useless neigh-saying. All of that dialog of failure is a novel that you write for yourself to live in; a novel that adheres to a genre of failure and loss as a constant operative and inevitable result of all activity. Just search for that kind of thing in your own thoughts and delete it when you find it. Anything that is a negative thought that doesn't serve as an actual warning for real activities, that isn't directed at a real person at a specific and time and place, any of that, purge it out of your consciousness. All those thoughts of a flue that you probably don't have: does worrying about that flu make you more susceptible to it? Of course we need to wash our hands and deal with proper sanitary surface interactions at public places, but shouldn't we be doing that anyway? And if we get sick can't we take some time away from everybody else and search down inside our selves and get well for a while, out of sight and out of mind? It should not be that hard to do if you need to do it. Most people need to learn how to deal with being able to venture inward. Getting the flu is one such way to make the journey. I am not recommending it.

But what do I know? I'm just some random website guy. Find what works for yourself. And, maybe you'll teach yourself to venture inward and learn to be real. And you'll look at all I've written here and say what you say. You'd be kind by then. You'd forgive me if I got some of this stuff wrong here today. That is why I keep changing it, because I know that it needs to stay current. Things go stale, some ideas turn sour in time. Urges of the day morph and constantly morph. No one knows fer-sur what the future holds as far as trends and spurp of the moment goings on in the inner-vaults of the private mind.

For some topics I like to do a deep edit and a revision so I'm being fair and kind. For other things I'll post it just as I typed it and so it goes. This column is one of those things. If I made some glaring errors I'll fix it later. But what you are reading here is a draft and so be it.

January 14, 2013

"got anything? I got nothing."

Hey, it's warm today.

 
   It would be easy,
      young
     to be given over
  to loving you too much
   by being a pest
     lurking
 outside the doors to your
        many factories
  where I've seen that you'd
        be hanging around
     doing business
  with friends, pals, lovers
  in the great ago, lost Februaries
       from past years gone.

  Her name? She's
   got a face that you
      remember her
   from Harvard Yard at the follage
       festival
 running, no skipping
    all the way to the Common
  and the statues
       and the cannons
  out of breath
    the sky turning over, the
       clouds churning alight,
    a high the heavens ho!
  You huff and huff
    leaning on Major Knott's cannon
and staring at her
     with your head cocked sideways.
   She loved you then.

 She loved you then forever
    and eternity was that now
     but it is now gone.

  She is over you like the water
     is over the mountainside
        at Yosemite
 but that only happens 
    during the wet seasons.
  Othertimes the whole world is dry.

  But it was saturday when
    you saw her again
 saying, conveying
 that couldn't she help you
 out for a while that you
 could spend time recollecting
  the benificence of Lilac Sunday
      at the arboreum her
   face silhoutted against 
         the side of the trees
        in long shaddow 
        from a setting over sunset
         resting
    across that heavenly scene of the distant
         Norfolk horizons.

 She sees you looking at her
   from across the Dunkin Donuts
   and starts over towards you.
  The deaf man comes between you two.
   You give him a five dollar bill to
      get him to go away.
  She approaches.
       She sees you.
  you start your new life with her.

 You've been in love with her
      forever
   but you have never been in love
         with anyone before.
    you ponder that paradox and
      realize how could any
    of that ever matter
       with
    her
 in  your life?