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can be depressing

Ya, it's that time of year. Blah blah. We are all supposed to be . . . blah blah blah. What does any of it matter? You decide.

There is a pointlessness in depression, a helpless lifeless void seems real and you need to convince yourself that it isn't. But everything that you do, all of your interactions with the world, seem to scream at you that some delusion is truth, horible thoughts that void love. But that is the thing that isn't real. So what to do to fight it?

It's hard to say. It's not allowed to tell you here. What do you do? Keep yourself hydrated. Exercise. Provide yourself with proper nurishment.

In any case, the deplorible thoughts of the depression season are not gone from me. However they don't bother me. I don't dwell on the pain and separation of life. And while I understand the separation between loved ones that we have as a necessity of life, because everyday can't be a potlatch at a solstice with every happy soul in eternity while we are still all here on Earth. Not here. But if it could. . . when it does . . . we'll be ready, we'll remember. But sometimes people don't.

So, find your right nurishment, whatever combination of things works for you, that allows you to not go to the place of the big sad.

Depression is very real. People are in a cloud of sadness and they don't know why and they can't get out of it. And this is the time of year when very many people are deep in that so . . . kindness does work to help people through their wastelands of expectations, lost somewhere between the parking lot and the statehighway where they don't remember why they feel like this and the constant rain, some unexpected trouble like a flat or a broken windshield and someone who they love who passed just so soon in the past and they are spending a holiday all by themselves and it's sad to them.

But if you see them and you acted like 'oh sad you can I give you good Christmas they'd be even sadder then. They'd lock themselves even further down in the dungen swamp of lamantatious memories of failed perfections that only really existed within expectations, like chords that aren't really in the song but that sounded like they were becuase of hte marvelous acoustics of the room, or the perfection of a memory of an unforgetible time or place, but if you really think about it, it was just a fleeting, passing, vapourous moment in time, the Sun set. The Moon rose. The night held much mystery. You had an awareness of the forever.

Life, love, whatever. Forever is real and it doesn't need you longing for it. But it might like that. And it might like being considered praiseworthy. Praise the Lord.

But for someone who suffers from depression even the awareness of the power of The Almighty doesn't always rock them from the grave that they dug for themself. Or that the world seems to be digging for them. If it really is as simple as a malnurishment, then, what a revolution it will be for so many if they can get the proper doses of these legal vitamins to augment what they get otherwise so as to elevate and augment their capacity to not be troubled by the cares of the outer world, not to be overcome with sarrow over the inevitibilities of loss and separation that define, pretty much, who we really are as creatures here in these mortal planes. We are sent here to live. Most of us end up dead sooner than quicker. Some of us end up as humans. Some of us are mosquitos flying over a river who are going to be eaten by some of us who are trout swiming in that river who are going to be eaten by some of us with a spear who are hungry for trout.

If you are at the place where you can go to this page and read this blog, consider yourself lucky. If you are depressed and you were somehow drawn here, I say, you have hope! Feelings? So what? Dread? Great, it makes you consider things that you might miss otherwise. And that big sad, that pain that never goes away? It's the ache of being alive and having pushed yourself out there to the fringes of the possible and being overwhelmed by the realities of life and death. It's only when we are withered by life, and malnurished either of human contact or from actual physcial depletion of nutrients in our diets, that we become troubled of mind to the point of dispair. Just mega-dosing on certain nutrients isn't going to solve series personality disorders, but it might make people more level minded, and allow them to then put things into a different perspective and start giving themselves, and the world, a break. It's not really that bad being here on Earth, under the Sun and Moon and being sad. Being sad is normal. Being sad is to be expected. The world can be a brutal place.

But if that sad doesn't pass in a quick enough time, if that sad makes it so that you can't go on and this lasts for weeks and weeks, well, everyone has a season or two like that in youth. If you don't learn your way out of it, and depression is a fact of your life, you should try and talk to people who figured it out and see if they have any tips for you. Any tips? For me diet and exercise, and daily prayer, seem to be working. Prayer is meditation, it is thoughts that we put to God to say 'here is what would be good for the people who I love and for myself, do something if you can to help.' Or prayer can be 'oh, God is so awesome! Awesome!' without asking for anything. Or 'Thank you Lord for this life!' a prayer of thanksgiving.

But when prayer, or meditation, or diet don't work: go to a doctor! If you have a serious enough problem you probably already have.

If you are suicidal: go to a doctor. Ask for help.

I guess my message isn't really that holiday-spirit laden? Or maybe it is. I'm asking people to recognize that depression if real and that there are solutions that have worked for scores and scores of people. It's different for each person, so. . . you need to study the issue. It could be as simple as a vitamin difficency. Learn which vitamins you should not take too much of, and don't take to much of them. The other ones, the ones without issues, you can kick those up and see if you become any less saddened by the sucki-ness of the world. Do not do this for any vitamin without first reading and learning, in detail, about how much might be too much. Especially for the B vitamins: careful on your dosing!

The Storm
ended
cars still in the river
Baby safe in the craddle

Constant edit! Let me say it again: constant edit!

It' december again.
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more to come as the season demands.

Dec 1, 2014

Back When He Remembered Blue

Back when he remembered blue 
he thought it would be nice
to make a blue for his kitchen
and paint the wall
behind the sink
that blue.

But now the years have gone along.
The house is older, the thickets
surround the lawn
the rabbits feast on the flowers that bloom.
He has no carpets in his room.

There was a green
that he'd see
in the forest
when he wouldn't remember it
didn't see it then
it showed up as a time in dream
when nothing is frantic
waking up before the dawn
explosion of morning not yet happening
when there are no greens
but pales that seem to be of no particular shade
neither night shades or day shades, nor morning yet, no
time to see it so quickly while waking to it as it comes into your eyes.

So he went looking
for that green
and could only find it
in the cheapest of things,
the least expensive of child's toys,
the throw away paper table cloth
the one-time-use inflatable beach ball
beach and sun and wind and far horizon of a Sunday
when the expected rain
never came
but instead
a different kind of sky
this beach
where we see no houses,
no factories
no distant cargo looms atop the world
down below the sky
where a plane jets by.
He hears it.
It's behind some clouds now. 
It's droning louder.
He remembers the baby
how she would giggle at the sight of
the sun pouring through the yew
in front of the big single-pane glass window
ninety-sixties vintage
of their first house
before his divorce
and the world got all washed away
trips across the world
leave the toddlers with some friends
at the summer festival
the kids never forgave them
after they'd grown up
it was always sore
he spent his holidays elsewhere
he used to betray his friends
it was a habit with him
if you called him on it
he did a sudden personality morph
and boasted of his appetites,
sniffed at the air
no one will take his calls but they might call back.
He has no one to spend a dollar on for the holidays that cares to see him.
It's a Saturday
he's binge watching Santa Monica Santa, the 
holiday series of murder and holiday merry
horror
geopolitical rampage
planet of the appetites
midnight highway car crash
Bakersfield of the mythology of non-country and western listeners
Midnight olive grove during a drought.
shallow grave.

The DVD ends.
Suddenly the television shuts itself off.
There are no other lights on in the house.
He uses his cell phone as a flash light
fishes for a fuse
it's not the fuse.
It's not the breaker on the wall.
the world is now dark
even the phone eventually looses power.
             

Please visit my DEMOS

 a note on your inannity, if this applies to you:
Happy Christmas can not be caught, dn't chase it.
Discomfort alliviated.
World Christmas is rowdy, inclusive, and fraternal.

Your biggest enemy: strongly held delusions.

delete your fortune cookie world view. Live in the real world.

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visit my DEMOS

🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 
🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 
🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 
🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 🌛 

delete your bad behaviors from your possible actions.

3:13 P.M. Dec 1, 2014


only give clean water, even to your enemies.
Have no enemies except for your delusions.

He thinks his words have flowers in 'em
but it's just a weed garden of fallacies
that he's woven into a blanket
and he wants to catch you in it
to keep you from falling in the river
and baptism into life;
fall through the fragrant fallacies of
           who enthralls you.
Whisper of the lack of understand
about eternity.
Shout out
 shout out
“I will not drown 
in this river of words
I can swim, don't I know how to swim
to a safe shore?”

Celebrate 
 Christ!  

🌛 
🌛
       A
    Christmas
   joy-bird will land
bounce and jump between the branches
ascend
and then it fleet away.

At the last chance for a glimpse
he turns around to look
just before it flies away


Dec 11, 2014


Santa 
  ho ho ho
 he knows
   ho ho ho
what you did
   ho ho ho
     last Summer 

Please visit my DEMOS

    Fear the Lord ~ ⏲⏱⏰⏲⏱⏰⏰⏲⏱⏰⏰
 But He's always good to you ~ ; )
     so

 

Praise the Lord!

Listen to the night wind
singing through the trees
Listen to the midnight town
in a blistery breeze

Listen to the blizzard
burying the town
                

I got nothing more