It is scary

  At times it is scary to me how I feel
   knowing that the love we have is real
    and afraid I can't live up to what you deserve
       that I can't be the one who will worthily serve
   You.

   And I fear that you will say 'go away'
    I've got more fun things to do today
   so buzz kill it over with you can't stay.

  But it is me just making stuff up in my head
     a loss of soul like as if I am dead
    but it can't be lost, it just hides till you  wed
     and then it lasts forever.

  That is how it seems with you and I
    and I get to know you more, you
   say stay.

  But if I can't stay
  because it gets in the way
  I'd leave and not love you less
    lest I love you to death
  and lament that which can not change
    without other folks coming to know
 inside their own lives
    the pain and sorrow of loosing something dear
      and coming to see
  that is and is not as they are or they are not,
   those poetic things
   that can sound so creepy at times . . .
    live and let live
  this world of denial, these worlds
 and special considerations.
     My joy is my own and it must not despair
   the heartbreak that we imagine
 never was, it had to be as it were back then.

  And we accept that which we can not share
    and give it away to strangers of the future.

  I know that loves of mine will never read these worlds while I'm alive
 and yet I write them anyway.

  I let you hear my mind's fears.
   I'm off into my eternity with friends.
  No fears of being turned away.
  He'll let me back another day.

  How close can I be to you?
   I want to be inside your heart.
   I enjoy closeness with you.
  I want you to have your time apart.

  If there were things I could say
    I can't say them, you won't listen.
  You'll wonder off
      to the top of the barn
     and find some destraction
   and another way to escape, following off
     and up the hill and away
  to the better part of your day
    without me and I'm OK with that
    even though it was very many years.

  I always felt you in my heart and in my dreaming mind.
    You were never gone there.
  Maybe far  away,
     but safe and free
      and winning