Lamentations on Imagined Loves and Kin Lost

  Ya
   I know
 that we
       are
      so over

    in fact
   we didn't ever
      even
     begin
       
       and sad feats of
    avoidance
       and denial

     It is because
    of apoligists
 that sociopaths gain sway

    It is because of
      unspoken
         bigotries
     that tyrannies are allowed.

   and dissidents . . . 
    well, we all know what happens to them . . .

  I choose to not be any of those things
      those things you imagine that I am
   that I imagine that you imagine . . .

  See?  See how little I know about 
       you?
  See how it 
     never even started?

  with fierce haste and
     with the fury of 
      rage towards
          me
     you spit you're
        I'm nevers 
        and you
       see how ya-are's

   I simply didn't deserve it.
          
      But lest I mistake the truth
          for the deniable comfort
       of living a lie
    Let me say that
        missing you
      is not on my
        agenda

  does that make me
     rotton
  or a realist?

   Or is all this poetry really
      some subconscious me
  worrying about separation and
      lonliness?

     Or do I create some great
           story about
      solitude
    and the virtue of being
      cloistered?

  Put me on a beach
    in the late day
  with surfers off of the pier
     and no thought of you.

When I didn't think of You

  When I didn't think of you
  that didn't bother me at all
    not imagine how you'd
      poo poo
   my choices,
       my hopes
     my friends
    my destinations.

    It is only because of the
     decorum of familial ties
  that we worry about these things at all.

  You can never break
   with your true family.
  And is it as you say
       that we are not family?

  So you say.
      Isn't it up to you, after all?
   You don't give me any other choices
        so why should you give me that choice?

      Is it just that she
 doesn't understand
     that other people's pain
    and points of view are
      just as valid.

    "OK,  OK.   
    have your painful point of view" she might say.  "You just do it over there
      where I don't have to
        know anything about it."

   Hey, I'm done now.
     Really I am done.
   And, no, I won't be any different
      the next time he calls.

    If I weren't so hard-hearted these days
       what with being unemployed
     I won't worry over the indifference in her gaze
     and her lack of over-joyed
       glee when I leave.

        If I weren't so hard-hearted
      I could remember how to cry
       but I
      can't remember
       and now 
      December is past
    and the new days of now . . .
      over hope in the near future for much better things.

Overly Optimistic

  Do you
    believe
  that what you ask
      for
    is what you will get?

     And do you
         regret
     for asking for the
       wrong things
   saying the wrong things?

  If you cut of communication
      with indifferent acquantences
   who are married to your relatives
       how is it then
 that you become the villan?

  Stop writng these bad poems,
   these bad stories
    when you are over it,
      then you will stop writing it.

      as a poet
    with a page
   who can say
       it isn't me
   it isn't you
       this is art
      I can say
    that I will start
    to be apart
 and not with you.

  This poet
     told you stories
   but you didn't hear them
      or you misconstrued them
 it is all a joke
      to you
    because you think you are smarter
     and I am a trouble
   to come around
     and expect love.

  How dare I 
       want to be
    in the lives of 
  people who 
      bother me on the holidays?

  How dare I.

  I gave your bag of gifts away.
   It wasn't anything for me, anyway, but
        for your guilty feelings.

  Oh, there I go again, novelizing bad
     intentions of people
  who choose to not know me, not love me.


   I don't know those people at all.
  I think they might not even be real.

  Change your name
     Change your life
        Change your attitudes.

  And in the name
          of life
       succeed.

   Oh, poo are poems of you
    when I am blue.  Poo are poems of you.